not working.

damn it la.

this is so not working out.

everything seems to have an effect some way or another.

i seem to be doing/saying the wrongs things all the time. i`m sorry kae? i can`t walk on eggshells and be cautious of every little thing i say or do.. i just blurt stuff out! i`m sorry i`m sorry i`m sorry.

this so isn`t working la seriously.

if i had a choice, i would like to take a break from all this. be isolated for awhile. let things pass before i venture out again. i`m sure it won`t be that bad. if i can just lock myself up in my room and not go out for weeks, good. but even with school, it`ll be okay.

go to class, got leo as a companion. (unless i happen to make him mad at me too.) lunch break, got the library and the calming presence of books. end school, got the long journey home to sit and think. not bad huh?

not being emo or what la.. but its seems like me being around just makes things so much worse. not just for one person i care for, but for someone else i care for even more. so much more.

i just feel so stretched. so strained. and i just snapped. i`m sorry. really. you did not deserve that scathing remark. it was uncalled for. i`m sorry.

i`ve been saying sorry alot these days huh? goes to show how often i mess things up.

the whole situation`s just deteriorating. just sliding down and down. from bad to worse.

and its all my fault.

damn it la ding. what the fuck is wrong with you?!!! can`t you do anything right?! do you seriously HAVE to ruin everything? fuck you la selfish insensitive bitch! learn to care a little can?! can`t you even spare a thought for others? it just has to be about you, you, you aint it? fuck. i`m starting to hate myself so damn much. i disgust myself. ugh.

sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.

argh.

not worthy.

Daddy, take my hand. pls, Daddy. pls.