in awe.

Daddy, i thank you for everything that You`ve done for me. i thank you for all that has happened the past week.

just one word. awesome.

what can i say
what can i do
but offer this heart, oh God
completely to you.

i stand with arms high and heart abandoned,
in awe of the One who gave it all
i stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered
all i am is Yours

i love You so so much. (:

Its the one thing that i need
Your presence, is all i`ll ever seek
Overwhelm me with Your love
Till all i see is you

Jesus, all my fears they fade away
when i see you.

Jesus, You put a smile on my face. (:

You are all that i need.

hurt.

A single raindrop glides,
down the window pane
Trailing a watery path,
down the long stretch of glass
Slowly, slowly,
till nothing remains
It disappears.
No one sees,
nor notices.

----

yeah, its been unfair to you. all you and no me. its all thrown to you and almost none to me.

when in fact its me who`s so much worse.

i`m sorry. really i am.

my flaws are still there. insensitve kinda equals to selfish right?

-ding

disappointment.

sometimes i just learn about things that i think i`d be better off not knowing.

i guess sometimes when you believe and trust in a person so much, the disappointment and shock is quite possibly too much to bear.

a knife in the back. just like that. from someone i trusted, someone i cared for. and i thought it went both ways. i guess i thought wrong.

its shit like this that makes me wish i`d kept myself safe behind a wall to begin with. to trust, to open up, to care, to love. all for what? betrayal in return.

what for let people matter to me so much that they can hurt me equally as much.

hah.

i hate how that sounds. like a sappy fool of a girl. i guess i don`t like knowing that people can hurt me so easily. gah.

and really, i`d rather it be said to my face than behind my back. i`d rather you use words to hurt me, beacause actions hurt so much more. or maybe that was the point.

------

i typed that on monday and now things are way worse.

but since i`m already hurt, why not take it all at one shot?

GIVE ME THE LIST.
GIVE ME THE LIST OF THINGS THAT I DID.

i don`t even know how to feel know.

hurt? shocked? amazed? embarrased?

i don`t want to face you anymore.

this is too much.

thanks. hah.

outings.

i need to be saved from myself. i`m dying within me. nothing seems to matter anymore.

the 4e2 chalet was nice. (: i missed raisa, may and suelin so much. (:

and yeah, we`re all still the same. haha. all of us ahh, not only me and sasa. hee.

i`m so glad we`re still able to keep in contact. a gathering at least once a year and the next thing we know, we`ll be attending one of our weddings. haha! can`t wait! :D

a good turn out for the chalet considering that it was quite last minute. heh. and this is after some people left the night before or earlier that morning.

awww. (: i love. (: had a great time talking and talking throughout the whole night. :D
HAHA! i think this is a very 4e2-boys kinda thing. ahaha! the ace of spades was super stuck on eddie's head. even after he tossed and turned, it still stayed! heehee!

i had a lovely time. (: glad i decided to stay over even though it made me really tired after that. (haha, sasa, i won`t use to word shag. shag=bad. hahaha)

and oh, i think we all look pretty wonderful in the photos considering that most of us didn`t sleep. (:

-----
BGDG outing to arab street al majlis was fun too! ((:

i loved to whole carpets+cushion+aircon thing laa. compared to the icky sticky place downstairs. i`m more willing to deal with their bullshit and horrible service when the environments more comfortable. haha.

and yaa, since i look horrible in all the photos except one, ): , i shall only post that.


yup, the polaroid shot. lovely! ((:

yummy food + good company. (:
well, not totally, but nvm. i guess i shouldn`t expect too much.

and oh! winsor did tarot reading for us! hee! it was so fun! cos everything of inez's reading made sense! HAHA!

and mine, i couldn`t really find the link. heh. expect for the first card that was about the past. it should have been solved already right? but it hasn`t. and i don`t care anymore. gee, how nice.

k, i shall go do fam law now. i haven`t started.

bah.

can i just sleep on forever?
i need you to save me. i need my saviour.

inez is back

inez is back after two thousand seven hundred and sixty two days. like, FINALLY!


the silly goon eating the yucky mussels. but they did have deliciously yummy cheese fillings. :D

uhhmm. haha. ya. my skinnies! ((: and yaa, that looks like my tummy. its cute kae.

nez, i still think your hair is flat. haha.

okay. that was all for saturday. ugghh. go out with that woman once only and i`m set back by $30+. boo. and its not even on anything substantial! )): it was all for fooood. gah. i`m gonna get fat ahhhh.

but yaa. we ate at changing appetites. the fish and crab and prawn and calamari and cheese mussels without the mussels are all very good. (:

but the chocolate delicious thing was dissappointing laaa. only the ice-cream and whipped cream were good. gah. wasted my $8.90. )):

but inez brought the stuff that she bought me. thank you! ((: love lots!

and ohh. on a sidenote, i`ve added another cds to my timetable. fundamentals of hospi. thank you Daddy, i will be able to cope and do well this semester.

i need money and i need to save. ):

timetable out.

ooh. lookie.

timetable`s out.

mon - 9 to 3
tue - 9 to 4
wed - 9 to 1
thur - 11 to 4
fri - 9 to 12

bah. must wake up early early. ): jialat.

and i don`t think i can skip lectures already. haha.

almost died after skipping almost all last sem. ding needs to be a lil more hardworking. heh.

i have ferlin and ng yg for the law subjects. oh my.. who`s ng yg? eileen ng ahh? ahh boo. very mean la that one.

oh wells. another sem of school. gotta wake up at 6 almost everyday. bah. ):

and alamak. if i end sch at 12 on fridays, then i have to wait for 7 hours to attend cg ahh? walao! )):

anyways, ya. gonna sleep. (:
and i`m dreading school alr.

starting sch soon

heh. finished working alr. (:

was selling cakes. haha i know.. mooncakes first then now cakes.

but yaas, finally finished everything. (: should have gotten close to 500 but now i think its less than 400.. boo. cos i pon laaa. heh. and if sold out then close early. bah. my money.... )):

but yaa. cannot spend the money also.. cos.. uhh. ya. cannot. Daddy, its in your hands.

sigh sigh. school`s starting soon. gah.

and i don`t have back to school clothes. boohoo.

and i`m not looking forward to school. i want to graduate soon pls.

actually, no. if i graduate then i`ll have to think of what i`m gonna do after that. and if i can even have a choice. or maybe i`ll just be stuck with having to work. then have to find job.. then no social life.. then no time for myself to be alone.. grr.

i think i just want to fall in love, get married, have children and have a wondeful life. hah.

anyways, ya. i`m going to sleep now. and i`ll only be concious again at 3 in the afternoon or something.

hmm, maybe i just want to sleep non-stop.

at home, outside. material, immaterial. worry, hurt. lost, lost. Daddy, you hold my hand and you love me. you never leave me. you`re with me all the time. i`m never alone. you`ll take care of me. i know you will. love you.

no more work.

i`m not working anymore. haha. actually i stopped yesterday. when i was supposed to end tmr.

aiyaa. had some disagreement with the boss. oh wells. =/

but boo. that`s $180 gone just like that. GAH.

but whatever la.. i just want to get my pay soon. (:

anyways, going on a shopping trip this sunday! hee! have to skip church tho. =/ aiyaa. inez laa. going back to indonesia and then to china and coming back 2 weeks after sch starts and all.. silly goon. heh.

and yesyes, gonna buy the heels, the rings and the tops! and of course, we`ll be trying clothes everywhere we go. whoo! damn exciting. and plspls, can we have arab street after that? :D damn shiok. can`t wait la!!

marina square, heeren, wisma, far east, bugis, arab street!

and oh, i`m sad. ): cos i look crappy in skinnies. bah. where oh where is that oh-so-nice esprit jeans? )):

on a side note, i`m very annoyed by this conversation i heard while i was working.

dad: come on, let`s go.
daughter: *whines* but i want to see! i want to see lanterns!
dad: *raised his voice* NO! i said let`s go!! daddy go and smoke first!
daughter: *tries to stay rooted on the spot in front of the lantern shop*
dad: we`re going outside NOW! *practically dragged the girl away*

ARGHHH! so angry can?! stupid ass of a chimney! your daughter just wants like what, a few minutes to look at the lanterns but all you can think about is smoking and even scolded her loudly. ugh. bastard.

i know that i shouldn`t stereotype, but this makes me not like smokers so much more. bah.

yes, i know that my friends smoke. but aiyaa. if they don`t want to stop there`s nothing i can do. i like the person they are but not the smoker in them. so yes. close one eye.

i see grace.

i see grace,
sealed by Your sacrifice
i see love,
reaching for me
precious blood,
washes and sanctifies
healing flows,
setting me free
i see grace

***

oh daddy, none of me and all of you. not of my works but of yours and you in me. teach me Jesus. i want to know you more.

women's meeting

of looking to God for love, acknowledgement and acceptance instead of trying to find it in man/people.

that was the sermon for today`s women`s meeting, which was really good. (:

had an awesome time at the praise and worship after that as well. ((:

***

daddy, what was taught today really ministered to me and i just want to be ever so conscious of your love for me lor. that even when i`m not acknowledged or loved, even when i feel alone and unwanted, i will remember your love demonstrated for me at the cross. i know that it is useless seeking attention and acceptance from people cos we are all humans and we fail. but i thank you daddy, that your love is a steadfast and secure love. a love that will last through all eternity.

daddy, i just cast my cares into your hands. even when i don`t belong anywhere, i know that you are with me and i`m not alone. even if it hurts to be alone, when it makes me feel unloved and unwanted, daddy remind me every new day of your wonderful love for me.

daddy, only you know what`s best for me. your thoughts for me are of a future and of a hope. you will know what to do. be it restoration in this area or a new beggining. daddy, you take over, take control. i place everything on you hands and i know that it will be good.

all i need is you Lord.

work!

ahh! have been really busy working. haha!

yes, work. boo. ):

i`m selling mooncakes laa. haha! but the sales are always super bad cos nobody want to buy and so i can just sit down on my bum and chit chat or stone while getting six bucks every hour. hee! (:

but its very boring laaa. ): at least its only till next week. heh. after that, i can go SHOPPING!! ((: can`t wait. (: money come quickly pls. heh.

anyways, today i saw bok at jp. haha! went window shopping with her during working hours. tsktsk. bad influence la that bok. haha! we need to shop!! :D omg, that bag, that pair of heels, those pretty *ahem* you know... ahhhh! shop shop shop pls! ((:

and yesyes! i want a party thingy! it`ll be so fun!! (((: wheee! maybe we can go have high tea altogether. teehee! ((:

can`t wait for women`s meeting this sat. i just know that it`ll be so so good. (:

on a side note, i absolutely cannot stand the stupid electronic laterns that have songs. GAH! damn noisy pls! not only do they have "its`s a small world", the "shi shang zhi you mama hao" mother song, that repeats over and over and over non-stop, now got new one!

more modern, more hip!

laterns shaped to look like hello kitty or doraemon, with TECHNO songs! wth!!

"i only kisk kiss kiss when the sun don`t shine, wo-oh-oh!"
"i like la-di-da-di-dum, you like it la-di-da-di-dum!"

ARGHHH!

its horrifying to think that the children of this generation are being exposed to techno music at such and early age. appalling!

and yes, alot of people actually buy those types. don`t know what the parents are thinking pls. like, seriously.

i think my iq will deteriorate significantly by the time i finish this job. the lantern shop is just behind me. bah.

i hope the time passes quickly.
i don`t like this job alr!

awesome grace.

aahhhh!

:D :D :D

*beams widely* ((:

ding is very happy. and will remain that way forever. (:

***

geez. where do i start. (:

OH MY GOD, I LOVE GOD!! haha!

okay okay.

i finally feel like me again. (: i finally fully feel.

like someone who is shortsighted for so long and finally got specs. the fullness of what he sees. the colours. the tones. the vibrancy. the clarity.

knowing Him and His love for me is one thing. its like me going about without specs. i can see, but it is blurred. it is not clear. it is fuzzy. it doesn`t seem definite. i know that something is there, but i can`t really see what. i may see a bus coming, but i do not know the number. i get confused.

but actually knowing in my heart, His awesome love for me, is another thing. everything becomes clear. now i know that that what i see is right. i no longer doubt if the bus number i see is 15 or 76. i know. i am certain, i am sure.

the analogy is not very good laa. not everyone is shortsighted and no, wearing specs is not nice. but ya. i never want to go about my life without seeing clearly anymore. i don`t want to wander about hazily without opening my eyes and taking a good clear look. i have a destiny, a destination. and i will open the eyes of my heart and walk in that direction.

but i know, that even if i stumble (slumber, HAHA!), Jesus is still here with me. no matter how far i`ve run astray, i can never run out of the palm of his hand. for my Daddy God never leaves me.

and no matter how low i`ve dropped. no matter how far i`ve gone from his destiny for me. my Daddy is faithful and He will bring me back. it is in His faith that my faith grows. in the same way as it is through His love that i so love him.

a huge step, a breakthrough, a fresh touch, a refreshing, an awakening, an awesome God. (:

Daddy, you never fail to amaze me by the way you work. haha! (:

love,
ding the darling of Jesus, the favoured and the blessed. (:

oh boo. ):

the weather was so unaccommodating! the beaching session that we planned for so long got cancelled due to the rain which went on for the whole day.. boooo. which didn`t help when we went to town to in the afternoon. gah. wet slippers = icky feet.

and haha! my bag is a hazard for white tops. HAHA! oopsies. sorry qila. heh. (:

we need to plan another beaching session okay? i can`t believe the weather ruined the last two sessions laaaa. boo. now we have to wait till the next hols! =/ and oh btw, i absolutely love your bikini la qila! damn, i want to buy a new bikini. heh. :D

***
sometimes, i think i shouldn`t act so quickly and so rashly. i think i need to learn how to think before i do, and to not do anything at all sometimes cos it may be the best thing to do. sigh. what you want for me is for my own good, and i know you don`t mean any censure or condemnation. but sometimes, it just seems that way at that point of time you know? but after i`ve time to think about it, i know that that`s not the way it is and i apologise for my not so gentle words. i just need time. and the circumstances now is not helping. i don`t feel like i belong. how do i go from there?

still Daddy`s precious no matter what.
ding.

nojob/nobeaching

arghh. ding is not happy today. ):

nobody wants to hire me. ): and i need a job so darn badly.

and i hate days where my auntie comes. )): gah. ruin everything pls. now i`m not even sure if i can go beaching tmr. UGH. wth.

go away laaa. go away today. ):

ding needs something to cheer her up, like beaching.

*roar.

/edit. and oh, my gpa went up to 2.56. (: at least there`s something that`s good. although i kinda wanted it to reach 2.6. but oh wells. it will continue to improve, amen. (:

oh daddy.

Daddy God, i know you know that no matter what, i love you so very very much because you first loved me. nothing can ever be greater than what you have sacrificed just for me. daddy, i know that even if i don`t put it in words, even if i don`t put it in actions, you know that deep down, i love you more than anything in the world.

but daddy, i want to be able to love you like i did before, spreading your love, proclaiming your goodness in my life, serving you. i want to be so drenched in your presence.

but somehow i can`t. i no longer feel comfortable, i no longer feel like i belong. i`m so out of place, i`m not part of them. but even though i don`t belong, i don`t want to leave. if only i could have this. i need this jesus. i need you once again. i should never have left, and i want it all back. but i can`t!! )): everything has changed. everything is different now.

daddy, i can`t but i know you can. i can`t jump right in again, i can`t engage myself just like *snap* that. daddy, pls take my hand. take my hand and guide me back again. slowly, one step at a time.

daddy, i`m sorry i even left. i`m sorry. )':

job hunting

:D

went job hunting with shep in town today. and.. it went fairly well i think. gonna go down tmr for interviews. (: i want the job laaaa. i want i want i want.

***

hmm. not say i don`t want to be serious or anything. but things are so different from before.. if everything`s so different now, how do you expect me to jump right in and be as excited or inolved as i once was? now, when i`m there, i feel like an outsider. in fact, i am an outsider.

and its not like i don`t want to.. i do. but i can`t when everything has changed. everything i once had is no longer there. and even if i were to be as before, it would take time. but somehow, the way i see it now, the time and chance for me is gone. its a new situation now.

Daddy, you know me best.

results!!

OMG.

i was happily sleeping on my bed, intending to sleep all the way till 3 pm or something, when my phone went "doors closing. beep beep beep beep beep!"

okay, that`s the sms sound laaa.

anyways, i woke up to my exam results laaa!

!!!!

it totally freaked me out.

but ya, i passed everything!! ((: i`m super happy la!

accounts - A
lcomm - B+
crim pro - C
contract - C+
socio - C+

teehee! okay, its not like, wah damn good. but yeah, its really Daddy`s grace and favour that i can pass crim pro and contract lorr. (:

hmm. can such results push up my gpa? i don`t know how to calculate leh. =/

i`ll see tmr. (:

whee! ding is a happy girl. (:

i need a job

argh.

i need a job.

i`ve been slacking and rotting away at home, and i`m getting bored to death. there`s nothing to do. ):

and oh yeah, i need money too.

uurrrggghhhhh.

but i`m too lazy to actually get out of the house to go look for a job laaa. ): and i don`t really like working alone. =/ grrr.

damn sian.

i need a job and i shall get a job. hmpf.

18 alr! ((:

hahaha! okay, so yes. i know that i haven`t been updating. aiyaaa. lazy laaaa. heh.

anyways, a recap on what has happened.

exams are over and done with, but results are out in 3 days. hah. =/

had a crazy ass time on shahira-the-chairman's birthday. fish and co yummy gelat yumminess. (: and whacky chop chilli chop+balancing act. and outrageous forfeits!! HAHAHA! i will never ever forget priya the crab/madonna. hahaha! and shahira-i-need-to-shit. HAHAHA! ((:

chalet, bbq, old changi hospital, ghosts, surprise birthday cake, drinking, baileys, beer, puking, beach, talking in the wodden hut thingy, photos photos photos. great time with great people i love and i care for. ((:

birthday was yesterday. :D 18! ((: thanks to all who wished me, whether by sms, calls (or those who tried to call but i didn`t pick up because the phone was in the room. haha) or face to face. (:

thank you NP cg for the cake and prayer and company. (: and the present too. hahaha. its oh-so-very-pretty but i don`t know how to use!! hahaha! oh my hat ding, 18 alr. you`ve got to learn how to use such stuff! haha! thank you for being there even though i`m not in your cg and most of you don`t know me. haha.

thank you nez, qila, leo, shep and wan. for taking the time out to spend time with me on my actual birthday. (: thanks for the superyummiliciouschocolatenutellaohsosinful cake. (: thanks for not being angry cos i was late. haha! thanks for the wonderful time that i enjoyed so much even though it was nothing special. thanks for the chit chat at starbucks where we talked about nothing of importance but where i could just spend hours doing just that if it were not for the last train. thanks for loving me even though i may not be the nicest of people usually. thanks for loving me for who i am. i love you i love you i love you!! -muahh!

thank you Daddy for loving me non-stop, for always being there for me, for never letting me go. thanks you Jesus for drawing me back into your loving arms when i run astray. thank you Daddy that you love me unconditionally and nothing i do can ever make your love run dry. thank you daddy for accelaration and restoration that i know is already happening. Daddy, oh Daddy, its all about you. i`m coming back to the heart of worship. i love you.

beaching on thursday with qila and nez! can`t wait! ((: gonna bake in the sun, snack like mad, and sit on the beach together, waiting for our results. hahaha!

much love,
ding. :D

*******

blessed blessed birthday bok! ((: tell me if you want the soft copy okay? ((:

argh exams!

arghhh!

i hate crim pro. really. i don`t know shit about it. ugh.

and actually, i`m supposed to be feverishly copying everything from the lecture and tutorials notes into my cpc. i`m only at chapter 3. GAH!

chibai laa! i don`t know where to write all the stuff! like, there`s no relevant section!! where the heck am i suposed to write it? ~!@#$%"

and its annoying when people say " aiya, ding you sure pass one la.." and i`m like, hey, i haven`t gone for a single lecture and missed half the tutorials lehh. how to pass?

i mean, of course i want to pass laa.. but, don`t just take it for granted that i`ll pass can? what will happen if i fail? then it`ll be real awkward right? since you alr said that i SURE pass one..

i don`t want to have that label laa.. then i`ll feel real dumb if i don`t pass right?

grrrr.

i`m not angry about it, so pls don`t get offended or anything. i`m just real frustrated and hearing all that doesn`t help.

i know that if i do fail, its not anyone`s fault, but my own. i know that i haven`t been putting in my best or even moderate effort. shit laa. i alr need to retake a cds, i don`t want to retake a course. daddy, help. ):

okay, i`ll just shut up now and go copy stuff into the bloody cpc. shit, i hate you.

ding.

out with nez (:

outings with that silly goose inez is fun. ((:

went out with her on saturday for dinner, where inez was oh so generous. she treated me to dinner. ((: at NYDC! teehee! ((: we both had the mushroom creamy something laa. and yummy sausage pizza. it was damn good. ((:


teehee. yummy mushrooms. (: they taste weird somehow though. hmm.

there was a cute photo of nez that i took, but ... she didn`t send me ahh, that baba.

anyways, that was also the day where we both went a lil gaga over the cute guys at citylink num. heh. (: after dinner, we went to marina square; where i finally got a good look at the prima crocs. geez, even the gold one looks like crap la! and the pink one is just ugly as sin laa. heh. no yes, NO CROCS FOR ME! hahaha! (:

when we decided to head home, we were too lazy to walk so we wanted to take the marina sq shuttle bus. but we missed it by like, 10 seconds. =/ so, we dcided to cross the road to take the millenia walk one.

I ALMOST DIED!!

i can`t cross roads for nuts la! i`m serious, i alsmost got knocked down. =/ next time, nez, we`ll waste some time and take the escalator and bridge. and prevent ourselves from getting killed. =/

uhmm. and then, we went to the ladies, and then...


pretty! (:


ugly! boo. (:


uhhhh. heh.

***

on wednesday, me and nez went to town. (: shop shop shop! ((:

had the usual lunch, shihlin chicken. heh. (: and as usual, we made use of lj's seats. teehee. (:


toilet. haha. nez thinks she`s damn arty farty when she takes pictures like that. hahaha. (:


teehee. i think i`m artsy too. ((:

then, it was shopping time. ((:




HAHAHA! these photos are damn cheater. ((: they make me look thin.

hahaha. i think its a con-mirror. heh. but yes, i love these pics cos i look thin. heh. i wanna be thin laaaa. ):

and in the pics i actually look good in those skinnies. but actually, the made my thighs look quite big. ): resembled bazhang. boohoo. but i they`re so pretty. (: especially if i can get it at discount. teehee! ((:

so yes, shopping, shopping. i blew $80 just like that la! )): and some stuff, i regret buying now. i need money. grrrr. more money = more shopping = yayness! :D

now, i`m just waiting for exams to be over. then it`ll be time for beaching! ((: and work laa. ): but work = pay. hopefully it`ll be okay. (:

ding should start studying. yes, start. =/

num guys. heh.

in reply to inez's post, HAHA!

so cute!! ((:

yes, i do very much want to work at newurbanmale. but i`m not male leh. ): but i only want to work at the one at citylink. heh heh. (:

it was disappointing to find that there were no cute guys over at the heeren one lehh. and to think we were quite excited huh, nez? haha. (:

but seriously, i need to find a job. )): my money`s all gone la! dead broke! bah!

online shopping is evil. ): but so very very tempting. till my money`s all gone laa.

boo. ):

p.s oh ya!! i saw the female crocs alr. and they are UGLY! boo. damn cheater. they look so much better in pictures okay? grrr. i don`t want alr!!

take me back into your arms.

she used to be so happy, spending her days having such joy with the friends she had.
she used to love every single day, knowing that she`s blessed.

and then somehow, things changed. things weren`t the same anymore.

she`s no longer who she once was, no longer joyful and glad.
can it be saved she wonders, she wants to try but is scared.
what if she`s turned down?
what if its too late?
she sees all that she`s missing, and it hurts to lose it all.
if only things didn`t change, if only it were like before.
she feels alone, afraid, insecure.
she wants to go back but will they open up the door?

she sees the gap that has been caused
the bonds between them that have been lost
she know that words and tears are not enough
she needs to make a step.

take me back into your arms.

driftwood.

like a piece of wood, drifting in the sea
floating on the surface, aimlessly
no purpose, no destination
just bobbing along, makes no difference.
monotonous, drab, apathetic.

wood soaked with water, sinking
down, down to the bottom
a bottom black as ink.
dark, cold, empty
better than drifting, maybe

slowly, buried by the sand
no longer matters
choked by the sand

fuck money

we`re stuck in a hole.

and i can`t stand not being able to help in matters. when i`m also somehow part of the problem. i`ll do what i can.

don`t argue, don`t fight. it hurts when i see that happening. its not worth losing what you have that has so much more value that can`t be measured in terms of money.

i just sit here, not knowing what to do.

listening to all that`s happening, but not helping.

):

crocs perhaps?

okay, so i remember that someone told me about the new female shoes that crocs (yes, CROCS.) was gonna produce.

so, i was curious and itchy hand, and went to see how it looks like.

and...

quite nice what.

HAHA! (:

see.. pretty right? ((:

i want the gold one!! (: and the black. and maybe the green.

i think its pretty cute. and it costs US$30. hmm.

but, uhmm. no doubt the pink one is hideous laa. i haven`t gone completely blind. (:i think if i actually got these, wan will kill me. heh. (:

but i really want the ones in gold and black. ):

its not that bad right? (: hopefully i won`t get strangled by wan, shep or winsor. heh. (:

*dreaming of gold crocs. haha! who would`ve thunk, huh? heh.

blah

oh my hat. deyan is next to me and he`s crazy.

oh gosh.

he just made a stupid comment about how i should write a confession cos he saw the word dashboard. like, huhh.

OHMYGOD. i wanted to put the lame face ( something like this : -.-" ) and he volunteered to show me how its done. and he did this " - board" very quickly.

!!! wth?!

HAHA! he`s a retard ahh seriously.. and nowadays he`s beginning to speak like johnny from zhng my car. and he has the accent + stupid english down to a pat!

HAHAHA! my brother cracks me up like, every 5 seconds laa! (((:

and actually, i don`t have anything to blog. (:

but its the last week of school and exams are in 2 weeks. =/

HOLIDAYS PLS! ((:

* but i`ll have to work. ): *

click was good

"Will you love me in the morning?"

"Forever and ever, babe."

awww. ((:

i`m glad i didn`t skip the movie even though i wasn`t in the mood. (: click was definately not what i expected it to be. not dumb, lame and retarded. i did not expect to tear at a comedy. heh. (:

and that lovely song is stuck in my head. :D i love it.

on a sidenote, exams are coming and i`m bored of school.

and i need to shop. ((:

eee.

hmm.

well, things didn`t really go according to plan huh?

dang.

oh wells.

that`s alright. (: the situations not all that bad.

it`ll just longer than expected. that`s alright. (:

an open mind, dearie. (:

i still think the ending will be the same. heh. (:

oooh!

teehee!

damn exciting me thinks. ((:

a week from now and we shall see.

wheee!

and yeah. i have no idea why i`m so excited also. heh. but yes, happy for a friend! ((:

and darn, i`m being influenced by a mermaid. =/

HAHA!

ps. nez, the starfishies are MINE! :D teehee!

oh shoots.

oh boo.

my insensitivity is really causing alot of trouble. =/

and ya, i`m really sorry. i didn`t think, i didn`t realise. ):

but i really don`t think it should be an issue lorr. cos really, nobody is perfect. and considering that you are doing so well in the area that you have a problem with, doesn`t that show something?

and yes, we love you for who you are. (:

i want.

ahh damn.

i think i`m damn smart ahh. i saw an ant climbing on the cupboard and i wanted to kill it. so i flicked it. but i flicked it against the cupboard. and now, my nail hurts. =/

haha.

anyways, that`s not what i wanted to blog about.

you know when you see something and you`re like "oh my hat! i want that!" and you just die die want it?

like, say its a bag. its not like, super duper gorgeous or nice. its not like very user friendly maybe.. but its just so irresistable.

then you`ll keep thinking about the bag, and how you`ll use it and when you`ll use it. to the beach, to school, shopping... and you`ll imagine yourself with that special bag, how pretty you`ll look and stuff..

then maybe you go into the shop to try the bag, you know? to see how it looks like when you carry it. and you just keep thinking about the bag laa.. really really wanna get it.

but its not like, its THE bag you know? i mean, just cos it look pretty when you carry it, just cos its so irresistable.. doesn`t mean that when you actually go about using the bag, it`ll be what you need.. you know? its just a maybe. not sure.

and then even when you realise that its way expensive. even when you realise that you`re never ever gonna get that bag. you still keep yearning for it..

you know what i mean?

yeah. that`s what i feel now.

oh bah. darn it.

/edit
and oh. even if you go to the shop again, and you see that the bag is no longer there, (read: its been sold) you still keep thinking about it and how nice it would be if you were the one who bought it. ):

boo.

on a side note, i have a really wonderful time playing monopoly with my brothers. (: i was winning the first half of the game lorr. (: but then i lost in the end. haha. and no, i didn`t lose as badly as i did in cluedo. don`t laugh! we all had roughly the same amount of money in the end laa.. about $4000+. teehee. (:

nothing.

huh.

!#$%^&*^&*()_ fuck it.

everything is slipping. just slipping through my fingers.
i try to grasp and hold on. but i can`t.
like trying to retain water with my bare hand.

the more i try to keep it,
the more i fumble, the more errors i make.
and the water i hold in my hand, it gets spilt again.

but the water drips away anyway,
no matter how hard i try my darnest, to keep whatever little is left.
maybe that`s the way, the way things should be,
for the water to go somewhere else.

i don`t want to stop trying, don`t want to give up,
but maybe its a lost cause.
i should have known from the start.
i should have seen it coming,
this is something that i should have expected.

its not like its never happened before.
i just cannot match up.
this blame is mine, again.

ding.

i wonder, what makes me think i`m worthy? what makes me think that i deserve what i wish for, what i want. no need for dreams now, when you know it won`t ever happen. look at you ding, compared to anyone, do you think you`ll match up? compared to that, how can you ever be anyone`s choice? gosh. how dumb can you get? how many times must you go through this for you to understand? you`re worthless ding! worthless! oh daddy, i need you now.

oh. okay.

hmm.

change is good right?

i`ll adapt. its okay.

---

i`m missing the people who have always been there for me. for like, the longest time.

i miss you sam. i miss you bok. i miss you jul. i miss you hui. i miss you sasa. the friendship we have will never change. no matter how long we haven`t seen each other, i know that our bond is solid. (: i thank God for you. i love you. (:


and yupps, thanks hons, for being there so i`m not alone. (:
loves. (:

oh gosh.

oh my hat.

okays, my brother just came home like, an hour ago. tsk tsk. young people nowadays.

anyways, he was telling me what happened in sch. not that it was the reason why he came home late laa..

okays.

he was playing soccer in the school hall i think, and there were alot of other people still around la.. cos you know, students nowadays.. all don`t wanna go home early.. wanna make their family worry..

so ya.. they were playing soccer laa. then you know, the metal goal post thingy? the one that can move about one? not the small one lehh.. the one taller than you both in height and width? the quite big one laa..

anyways, i think they finished playing alr laa. then this guy (not my brother's friend, but soccer mate laa) he was like hanging on to the goal post.. not like, swinging his legs all laa.. but he was hanging onto it and his feet were on the ground kinda thing?

yeah well, his friend went to pull his legs from under him.

BAM!

the goal post came toppling down. onto the guy's finger.

and i guess it was reflex or something, but yeah, he snatched his hand away. and uhmm, ya. part of his finger got ripped off. =/

you know, your finger has like three parts right? ya well, his whole top part, the one with the nail, it came off. it was stuck under the goal post bar.

and when everybody heard the loud bang, they just thought that he hit his head or something. when they saw all the blood on the floor and the jagged stump of his finger, they were just stunned, shocked, speechless.

but ya, they called the ambulance, then they went to get a teacher and they brought him to the sick bay. the st. john's people were called down too.

gosh. damn scary i think. if i`m one of the st john's people, i wouldn`t know what to do k?! =/ like, its a bleeding stump! but ya, good thing they`re not like me.. cos they managed to bandage it i think.

when the ambulance came, the guy walked to it himself and he wasn`t dripping blood.

and the guy who pulled him? my brother said he was pale as a ghost. he helped the guy to the sick bay and when he came out, he just kinda slumped to the floor, his face a chalky white. damn poor thing. in his mind he must be going through hell.

and the injured guy? he`s sec 4 this year. o level year.

he was sent to nuh. i`m really praying that they manage to fix his finger.

dear God.

pineapples and bangkok.

!!

i just saw a whole tupperware of cut pineapples in the fridge!

and i suddenly remember how much i like pineapples and then i wonder how come i haven`t been eating pineapples in such a long time and then i wonder why the heck i`m not eating the pineapples right now and okay i`m gonna get the pineapples now.

oh goodness! yummy!! ((((:

its the sweet type not the sour-sting-your-tongue type. YAY! ((:

and anyways, suddenly i really REALLY wanna go to bangkok.

REALLY.

and it wouldn`t be really expensive anyways right? like maybe $800 plus.

damn. its expensive. ):

i need to set up a go-to-bangkok-to-shop-like-crazy fund. anyone wanna donate? (: teehee.

but really, i wanna go i wanna go i wanna go!!

can someone smuggle me onto the flight? then i can save a couple of hundred on the ticket. heh. (:

eating pineapples and dreaming of bangkok. (:

when the day is over and i lie here weeping,
when the doors are closed and there`s no point screaming
when everthing`s a mess and i can`t do anything,
take my hand Daddy, and tell me it all amounts to nothing

hold me near, and reassure me
tell me Lord, that my future`s not bleak.
tell me, Jesus, that all is not wasted,
that everything will turn out alright

that even if i manage to make every blunder,
even if i can`t make anything better,
even if everything`s so totally wrong
it just wouldn`t matter

you`ll always be here for me,
you`ll never ever leave me
you`ll right all my wrongs,
you`ll help me be strong

everything`s alright,
Jesus when i see you smile at me.

-ding.
(:

all in the past

okay. the way i see it, everything that has happened is all in the past.

we`re all just going to put it behind us, and carry on on our merry way.

just for the record though, i apologise for everything that has happened. my pettiness, my unreasonable-ness, my bitchiness, my insensitivity, just everything laa. i am, truly sorry.

hopefully, this time, things will really turn for the better.

lets just carry on from here.

a quaint little shop just round the corner,
with warm interior and lovely music.
a short walk over, past the entrance,
new items, since the time i came last week.

taking my time, walking along the aisles
some items draw my attention
some i pick up for a quick look, others a little longer,
a little more of it, i learn.

on the shelf beside the counter, something,
something quite different, catches my eye.
not the usual colour, not the usual style,
but something quite special, something i could try.

the colour, a sombre black.
the designs, minimalistic, in stark white.
intricate but subtle details,
details not noticeable on first sight.

taking it down from its place on the shelf,
and looking at it more closely,
the vase appeals to my senses,
not specially from what i see.

not a pretty piece,
not particularly attractive in general.
but it has a hidden appeal,
that just draws me deeper.

just as i decide that i want the vase,
i spot a sticker, just on the inside.
"reserved" it states, in bright bold red.
oh damn, that can`t be right.

the owner comes over to offer her help,
and re-confirms that the vase is not for sale.
she shows me another vase,
this one so different, the colour, quite pale.

delicate, wispy pastel details,
a decorative beauty, no doubt.
as it is, its realy quite lovely,
but not something i can`t do without.

as i step out of the shop,
the bells on the door chime.
but the image of the bold black vase,
stays imprinted in my mind.

i keep thinking of how gorgeous it`ll look,
on the dining table as the centrepiece.
the other vase just will not do,
i need something bold, at the very least.

with that quite perfect vase in mind,
any other vase, i`ll surely compare.
and till i find one that intrigues me as much,
my dining table will remain as it is, bare.

- ding.
no questions pls.

unfair.

):

know how it feels when you`re like "oh my gosh. that is so unfair pls! why does stuff like that not happen to me?"

yeah, well, that`s exactly what i feel right now.

)):

booo.

sometimes it really seems so unfair why others seem to be getting every lovely thing in life. every good thing, every happy thing.

and where`s mine?

why does he/she get everything while i get none? ):

very self pitying i know. boo.

oh wells.

don`t deserve it.

just gotta live with it.

Daddy God, why why why?! ugh! damn annoying la! why can`t i have that? why can`t i be happy too? i also want!! *whine whine whine*
sigh.
***
oh dear Jesus, i thank you that you just reminded me that no matter how undeserving i am, you, my beloved Jesus, You died for me. you died for me and so now, that makes me deserving of every good thing in this life. that no matter how things seem so dark and dreary, you are always there for me. for you will never ever leave me. and things will work out right. cos you love me lord. you love me. and because you love me, there`s no good thing that you will withhold from me since you have already given me the most precious thing ever. i know that i am blessed and favoured. and my life will be a testimony of Your love for me. and thtat means that it will be wonderful. (: thank you for my jesus-tale. (: i love you jesus, deep down in my heart.

emofied

oh boo.

these few days have been shit la.

its starts off okay and ends like fuck.

but the main issue is kinda alright already i think?

i`m sorry that i said the stuff i said. it was uncalled for and even aggravated the situation. i`m sorry.

so why is the situation still so strained?

):

if its my fault, tell me ya? =/

on a side note, my eye still hurts ahh. =/ when i squeeze my eyes shut, it hurts pretty damn alot. =/

and i did not intend to be a mood spoiler really. sigh. sorry la... what was i supposed to do?

):

leave it.

oh god.

things are so much more screwed up now.

i`m serious. leave it as it is. take it that i`m making a huge fuss out of nothing.

i don`t want to talk about it anymore.

i know i`m being a selfish bitch.

but i really don`t want to discuss it anymore.

goodness. i think the biggest mistake was to blog that post.

leave it as it is. its okay the way it is.

oh wow.

i`m making things worse now huh.

boo.


you don`t understand. you don`t get it.

this is how I feel. me.

maybe its all in my head.

maybe i`m hallucinating.


and oh. i blog just cos i want to. i blog for myself. not for you to see/read. don`t need to get all agitated and upset.

yupp. i can be a real bitch.

eee weird.

aiya.

weird huh.

oh boo.

oh wells..

kilabalalookipoo!

hmm.

arghhh!

oh. my. hat.

i`m damn annoyed now ahh!

my maid washed my clothes until the colour from one stained the other one!!

arrgghh!!

damn upsetting pls!!

boohoo.

and its my f21 top that got stained.

):

):

):

oh, woe is me! ):

siao, with shipping costs and everything lehh. bah. and not say i wear many many times alr.. damn siann...

BOO.

huh.

sigh.

thanks for the whole talk and everything.

it made me feel much better.

thank you. (:

and no la.. its not like its so bad and horrendous (somehow this word reminds me of qila. heh.) that i have to be alone or what. its just that it gets suffocating.

but i`ll try. really.

thing is, i know how you feel.. and i guess i need to learn to think before i speak.

i don`t want anybody to be sad anymore.


pls Daddy, let things improve from here.

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I`ll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
In the power of Your love

not working.

damn it la.

this is so not working out.

everything seems to have an effect some way or another.

i seem to be doing/saying the wrongs things all the time. i`m sorry kae? i can`t walk on eggshells and be cautious of every little thing i say or do.. i just blurt stuff out! i`m sorry i`m sorry i`m sorry.

this so isn`t working la seriously.

if i had a choice, i would like to take a break from all this. be isolated for awhile. let things pass before i venture out again. i`m sure it won`t be that bad. if i can just lock myself up in my room and not go out for weeks, good. but even with school, it`ll be okay.

go to class, got leo as a companion. (unless i happen to make him mad at me too.) lunch break, got the library and the calming presence of books. end school, got the long journey home to sit and think. not bad huh?

not being emo or what la.. but its seems like me being around just makes things so much worse. not just for one person i care for, but for someone else i care for even more. so much more.

i just feel so stretched. so strained. and i just snapped. i`m sorry. really. you did not deserve that scathing remark. it was uncalled for. i`m sorry.

i`ve been saying sorry alot these days huh? goes to show how often i mess things up.

the whole situation`s just deteriorating. just sliding down and down. from bad to worse.

and its all my fault.

damn it la ding. what the fuck is wrong with you?!!! can`t you do anything right?! do you seriously HAVE to ruin everything? fuck you la selfish insensitive bitch! learn to care a little can?! can`t you even spare a thought for others? it just has to be about you, you, you aint it? fuck. i`m starting to hate myself so damn much. i disgust myself. ugh.

sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.

argh.

not worthy.

Daddy, take my hand. pls, Daddy. pls.

my fault?

hmm.

i was really wishing and hoping that everything would be okay.. but i guess that was being pretty unrealistic.

i guess its not possible for things to just fall back to what it was before. i guess i wasn`t being sensitive enough to figure out that its not gonna be easy to just leave it just like that.

if there`s anything i can do to make it easier, i`d do it.. really.

but i have a feeling that there`s nothing i can do to make it any easier, any better. i think i`ll only be making things worse.

truly, i do not want things this way.

now that everything`s shit, i don`t know if its cos of me or cos if something else. and even if its my fault, i don`t know what i should/can do.

damn, this is hard.

little wonder then, that i kow for a fact that i`m not ready. i just cannot deal with such stuff. maybe i`ll never be able to deal with such matters concerning the heart. bah. a failure, ding.

i`m sorry.

so not perfect.

all out in the open.

of fishes and hurricanes.

its the way it is now. there`s no way to take the words back.

you say that this is the best route to go. i sure hope so.

its selfish of me. ):

but i can`t change it.

i would if i could. really. but some things just can`t be changed.

i don`t want you sad. you deserve better, seriously.

maybe this really is better. better than dragging it along. maybe this way you`ll get over it sooner. maybe it`d hurt less.

i want you happy too.

):

not all that wonderful.

petty bitch

i know that i`m being a bitch.
i know that i have to right to act the way i did.
i know that i was being overly sensitive.
i know that i was super unreasonable.
i know that it was VERY selfish of me.
i know that it wasn`t meant to be taken to heart.
i know that i made a huge big fuss out of nothing.
i know that i`m being a big spoilt brat.
i know that i`m not practicing what i preach.
i know that i`m being unfair.
i know that.

but i`m sorry.
i knew all that but i still acted the same way.

maybe i`m not who you thought i am.
maybe i`m not who i think i am.

maybe i really am such a bitch.
maybe that`s how i really am.
maybe i`m really so horrible.

i don`t know myself anymore.

i`m sorry.

miserable excuse for a friend. bah.

its not your fault. its mine.

you all don`t deserve to be treated like that. i don`t know why i got so affected. i`ve got no excuse. i`m truly sorry.

):

bah contract.

DAMN.

contract is seriously killing me.

that de francesco case is damn hard to read pls..

1890. wow. brilliant.

do they HAVE to be so long winded?

i get lost just reading one paragraph.. =/ their sentences are super long. bah.

and my idiotic com is so smart. died on me and threw away everything i wrote. bah.

redo.

grrr.

oops.

HAHA!

sorry la inez siantar...

i was blogging at an ungodly hour hence the mistakes.

i sincerely apologise for my misconduct.

heh.

and i have changed the errors alr la.. (:

damn. school`s going to start in like, 3 days. wow. brilliant. and i haven`t completed my contract part. bah.

ding, you`re too damn slack. )):

i`m gonna stay up today to finish it. not gonna sleep till its done. *determined*

and nez.. my blog really slow to load meh? =/ its okay with me lehh.. hmm..

malaysia and stayovers.

for the weekend, i stayed over at 2 different places and went to jb. (:

on saturday i had to work (bah.) at suntec till about evening time and was to head over to inez`s place after that.. inez, shep and winsor came down to visit and off we went for dinner and back to my place to get my stuff.

i sell flora and fruit tea not those kopi-o type okay? not funny. buggersome people. heh. and ya. i don`t really know how to use chopsticks. its embarrassing. ):

went over to inez`s place with leo, qila, shep and wan, and went to the nearby coffeshop to watch the matches. i still want czech to win. bah. ): but oh wells.. ghana is quite good la. i wouldn`t mind if they went on to the next round instead of czech.. i think. or maybe czech will win italy and then both ghana and czech will qualify. hahaha! (: but i don`t think can laaa..

and the second match was damn drama.. with 3 sent offs and a bleeding american.. whoa. and france is damn lousy la.. irritating match. ): france was supposed to trash usa. TRASH. bah.

oh btw, i think the prata there was damn yummy. (: especially the cheese one. ((:

next day, woke up at 2.. haha. the guys went to play soccer over at st pats. so we girls had a girls talk. (: and we talked for too long. was supposed to go over to st pats and catch the last 20 mins of the game but we were too late! ): we rushed and took a cab down lorr.. bah. and that taxi man.. i tell you, he is damn irritating. talk super alot la! bah.

justshutupanddrivepls,thankyouverymuch.

anyways, we endured the ride and went to meet the boys and off we went to pizza hut. (: yummy. i like pepperroni lehh.. i don`t see what leo was talking about it being plastic-y. wasn`t in a really good mood though. my darn contact lenses were bothering me like hell. grr.

we went back to inez`s place to get our stuff and then went over to shep`s. the brazil match was exciting. so much so that i banged my foot against the cupboard. ):

and oh my hat. i love the beef horfun la!! the soupy thing is like, so marvellousy superbly delicious. :D

umm. sorry for spilling some on your bed shep. ): you`re scary when you`re angry. ):

when it was time to sleep, we had some dificulty. fitting 6 people into the bed was quite tough indeed. but we managed. (: almost.

i woke up the earliest again (teehee.) because i got elbowed in the head by leo.

*sad* ):

wanted to go back to sleep actually. but it was damn hard to sleep when i had to dodge leo`s twists and turns. that boy is a hazard i tell you. damn scary. everyone soon woke up. poor qila didn`t sleep much i think.. =/

and off it was to malaysia. without inez though. ))))))):

shep`s house is damn pretty la! the furnishings and the driveway thing. all very nice! me and qila have decided that when we stay together next time, we want our house to look like that. (: with its wooden furnitures, comfy sofas, chairs and beds, and beautiful wardrobes. (:

we went for a walk at the garden/park thingy. fun! ((: it had a giant chess set and giant leaves. (: don`t know what leaves, but they grew out of the pond i think. qila says they`re scary. haha! (:

after we went back to the house, me and qila went to sleep and the boys went to swim. wah! we slept till 6 la! went of to city square for shopping and dinner.

had kenny rogers. and then realised that it was past 9 alr.. =/ tried to shop before the shops closed but it was too late. ): for us girls at least. the boys bought some stuff, but me and qila got nothing. ): absolutely nothing lehh! )):

nvm. i shall eagerly anticipate for the next jb trip. (: and shall put away the ringgit that i changed alr.. i wanna go jb again. (:

<3 ding. (:

*i want cheese prata and beef horfun now. -smacks lips. heh. *

dvds i want.

i want these please. (:

Amelie
A la folie... pas du tout [He Loves Me... He Loves Me Not]
L'auberge Espagnole [The Spanish Apartment]
Les poupees russes [The Russian Dolls]
Dirty Pretty Things
Les cite des enfants perdus [City of Lost Children]
Delicatessen
Les choristes
Sur mes levres [Read My Lips]

Moulin Rouge
Chicago
Munich
V For Vendetta
Edward Scissorhands
Sleepy Hollow
A Beautiful Mind
Traffic.
Chocolat
The Pianist
The Constant Gardener
American History X
Trainspotting
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I am Sam
Memento
Almost Famous
Fight Club
Dead Poets Society
Monster
The Virgin Suicides
Dancer in the Dark
The Others
Requiem for a Dream
Sympathy for Lady Vengeance
10 things I Hate About You
Hotel Rwanda
A Very Long Engagement

Ocean's 11
Ocean's 12
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

pls pls pls... (:

restart

heh. new blog. (:

i had a great week. (:

with stayovers and soccer matches.

happiness. (:

i spent 2 days at inez`s place. and it was fun. (: like a glimpse into the future when we`ll both stay together, with qila too perhaps. it was cool since we had the whole place to ourselves. (:

spent the first night talking and talking and talking.. ya.. and we had test the next day. heh. slept for about 4 hrs only i think? heh. will be staying over at her place again real soon. (: but i`ll have to remember to bring SHAMPOO. =/

stayed over with leo and qila at shep`s place for the italy match also. and damn. i`m still scared of that dog. =/ brandy. =/ i think a more apt name would be scary. really.. but casey was really cute. (: even though he didn`t like me very much. ):

i fell asleep even before the match ended.. haha.. italy was boring la.. they were just kicking the ball around.. no strategy, no excitement, nothing. boo.

and i woke up the first the next day!! (((:

*proud*

i woke up at 7.20 am lor!! ((:

leo was suposed to wake up at 7 for his match. so after i checked the time, i wanted to wake leo and ask if he was still going for his match. but. he and qila were snuggled up la! =/ how to wake him? after contemplating for like, 5 mins, i woke shep. haha.. and i don`t know how, qila woke up too..

BUT that stupid leo sleeps like a log la!! cannot wake him lehh! seriously. we poke him, shake him, call him.. and all he does is grunt and settle down into a more comfortable position. !! we took at least 10 mins to wake him la! grrr..

and then poor ding had to take the mrt for more than an hour before she reached home and could sleep properly again. eh. i bathed before i slept la..

was supposed to go over to shep`s jb house thingy for 3 days, but nez couldn`t find her passport. bah. so we`ll just be staying at nez`s place and going to jb for 1 day only.. shopping! (:

my mummy hasn`t returned me my money. =/ and my daddy hasn`t given me my pocket money for this week.. bah. i need that money to shop......

can`t wait! excited. (: but too bad nez can`t go la.. =/

nevermind. we`ll be going tanning on tues. (:

i need to get shades before that.

yay!

sometimes, i really feel like locking myself up in a room and never coming out again. sometimes.